ROSWELL Episode 00: High School Javert AU

It is now EMILY’S turn to be irrationally gleeful as she makes Megan watch the 1999 TV show Roswell. This show has it all! Aliens! High School Romance! Etc etc etc. Watch….er, listen as Megan attempts to name all the characters and cannot (for the life of her) stay off her Twitter feed.

ROSWELL S01E01: Pilot aka Aliens Make the Best Boyfriends

Liz gets shot and figures out the alien secret immediately…like IMMEDIATELY, much to the dismay of Max’s sibling and friend. Megan can’t keep the multitude of M names straight. Special guest stars include Toby from the West Wing, Marshall from ALIAS, and Riker from all the Star Treks.

ROSWELL S01E02: The Morning After aka Czechoslovakians

We cover Episode 2: The Morning After. No one cares about Michael’s feelings besides us, Kyle takes another step to the dark side, and Liz and Maria suffer from Czechoslovakians.

ROSWELL S01E03: Monsters aka Nothing. Just Headlights

Join us as we go over Roswell Season 1 Episode 3: Monsters. The gang is worried that Maria will spill her guts, dream walking is MOLECULAR MAGIC???, and how many more times can Sheriff Valenti be inappropriate?!?

ROSWELL S01E04: Leaving Normal aka Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer

We watched Roswell Season 1 Episode 4: Leaving Normal. We discover revenge is only...sometimes the answer, Meg gets her heart's desire, and Liz just wanted to hear Max's voooooice.

ROSWELL S0105: Missing aka Who Dun It?

Emily and Meg dive into Roswell Season 1 Episode 5: Missing. And it is. Missing, that is. Liz’s diary is GONE. Why is it such a big deal? BECAUSE SHE’S DOCUMENTED EVERYTHING ABOUT THE ALIENS.

ROSWELL S01E06:
285 South aka Plain Old Vanilla Ice Cream

Roswell Season 1 Episode 6 285 South has EVERYTHING: Nookie motels, ZERO gun safety, and PERSONAL questions. (Also, some technical difficulties for part of the episode, but it clears right up!)

ROSWELL S01E07:
River Dog aka You get a dead end! And YOU get a dead end!

Meg and Emily dive back into Roswell Season 1 Episode 7: River Dog. There’s a break-in, Kyle gets pushed further down the Dark Side path, and Sheriff and Topolski…FLIRT?!?

ROSWELL S01E08: Blood Brothers aka DNA! DNA!

We’re BACK with Roswell Season 1 Episode 8: Blood Brothers. Max and Liz ditch school and immediately regret it. You think everyone’ s mean to Kyle and Michael? Just wait until you see how they treat Javert! Also, it goes without saying…INAPPROPRIATE!

ROSWELL S01E09:
Heat Wave aka I Only Vomit Under Extreme Stress

Emily and Meg watch Roswell 1999 Season 1 Episode 9: Heat Wave. Liz and Max have no one to blame for their unhappiness but themselves, Meg is disappointed by the lack of both soap and fire, and surprising no one, the worst sheriff in existence holds two minors without their parents’ knowledge or permission. (Also Emily gets the cold sweats.)

ROSWELL S01E10:
The Balance aka I Like My RedVines STALE, Okay?

Emily and Meg dive into Roswell 1999 Season 1 Episode 10: The Balance. Meg finally reveals her true feelings about the show, WHAT IS LIZ DOING, and more of Meg’s questionable snack tastes come into play.

ROSWELL S01E11:
Toy House aka The Worst Liar in Roswell

Welcome to Season 1 Episode 11: Toy House. The Evans know NOTHING about grease fire safety, the Sheriff is a sneaky bugger, AND NO ONE LISTENS TO ISABELLE WHY?

ROSWELL S01E12:
Into The Woods aka The Duke’s Gambit

It's Season 1 Episode 12 of Roswell (Into the Woods). Join us for the EXCLUSIVE Father/Child Campout. Liz and Maria lie themselves into a corner, MICHAEL JUST WANTS A DAD...and consequently so does Kyle. Appropriate activities for said camp-out are: Gambling and Alien Hunting. it's fun for the WHOLE family!

ROSWELL S01E13:
The Convention aka A Revenge Party

Emily and Meg watch Roswell Season 1 Episode 13: The Convention. Remember, it’s not creepy if you KNOW they’re watching you, here we stan Meg’s co-worker: Jonathan Frakes, and the Sheriff FINALLY GETS YELLED AT.

ROSWELL S01E14 :
Blind Date aka Rolling’s Reliable Baking Powder

Friends! Welcome back to the Roswell Season 1 Episode 14 recap of Blind Date. Liz gets signed up for a blind date she DOES NOT WANT, Michael is DONE with everyone's nonsense, Maria Girlbosses her way to becoming the lead singer in Alex's band, and Kyle extends a beer soaked olive branch.

ROSWELL S01E15:
Independence Day aka Even Poor in Monopoly

Today we cover Roswell Season 1 Episode 15: Independence Day. Michael’s life is garbage as per usual and everyone thinks it’s his fault. Kyle is nowhere to be seen but his dad sure is. Maria and her mom’s relationship is goals. And Liz and Max are still waiting on that DTR.

ROSWELL S01E16: Sexual Healing aka Kiss Cam

Roswell Season 1 Episode 16 covers ALL the normal teenage milestones: Glowing hickies, seeing visions, and digging up alien egg babies in the desert?!?! (ALSO, WHEN IS KYLE'S TIME TO SHINE?)

ROSWELL S01E17:
Crazy aka They Killed Toby from the West Wing

Meg and Emily are BETRAYED we tell you. ABSOLUTELY BETRAYED. First, there was NO KYLE in this episode, THEN Isabel is FORBIDDEN from making FRIENDS? AND MICHAEL GOES TO MAX FOR ROMANTIC ADVICE? WHAT? IS? HAPPENING?

ROSWELL S01E18:
Tess, Lies, and Videotape aka Hard Wedge of Cheese

Max finds himself drawn to the new girl Tess and he can’t explain why, the Sheriff finally figures out he was hoodwinked, there’s a SUPER awkward dinner party, oh, AND KYLE’S BACK Y’ALL! For 30 GLORIOUS Seconds we get him back.

ROSWELL S01E19:
Four Square aka Meg’s Worst One Yet

Megan's most heinous prophecy comes to pass. Was Tess ever the victim of a vivisection?! What was your most emotional dream connection? Many dominoes are thrown into our faces to prepare for the finale--let's hope Meg enjoys it more than she did this episode!

ROSWELL S01E20:
Max to the Max aka Double Trouble

Join the sisters as they watch Roswell Season 1 Episode 20: Max to the Max. The alien pregnancy is STILL A THING? Is Tess on our side? And Meg's biggest shock of the episode was disguised as a continuity error.

ROSWELL S01E21:
The White Room aka Torture Your Cake and Eat it Too

Poor Max is being held at a secret FBI facility where we find out that…Wow. Pierce is BAD at his job. Like….REAL Bad at his job. Michael, Isabel, and Tess charge in sans plan, and Liz reaches out to form an alliance.

ROSWELL S01E22: Destiny aka Density

MUCH to Meg’s delight…WE HAVE REACHED THE END OF ROSWELL SEASON 1! Michael FINALLY gets to fulfill his dream of killing someone, KYLE IS BACK, and Liz is OBVI MVP. You go girl!

ROSWELL INTERLUDE:

We spend this week’s episode gearing up for SEASON 2 while exploring all of Meg’s Season 1 guesses, theories, and of course bemoan the lack of KYLE in Season 1. We were ROBBED I tell you, ROBBED!

ROSWELL S02E01:
Skin and Bone aka Meg is NOT a Serial Killer, Got It?

WOOHOO! WE’VE ARRIVED AT SEASON TWO! Let’s see what kind of consequences come from KILLING A DUDE! Liz is back in town AND HASN’T TOLD MAX??? Also, y’all better listen to Meg teach you how to hide a murdered body if you want to stay one step ahead of Deputy Hanson!

ROSWELL S02E02: Ask Not aka I WAS GONNA SAY THAT!

Welcome back! In this Roswell 1999 episode we dive DEEP into 2000’s nostalgia: The CD holder. The Valenti’s have a new houseguest. We find out who stole Michael’s haircut. Isabel is down for….murder? And your hosts play: What Kind of Dog Would They Be? Good Times ALL AROUND!

ROSWELL S02E03:
Surprise aka Unlimited Coca-Cola from my Mind

It's time to throw a surprise party for Isabel...and not Max? Her own twin? Congresswoman Whitaker invites herself along...to meet her constituents of course, so it's not weird she's crashing a teen girl's party. Tess is missing. Oh nooooooo. Saaaaave heeeeer. And the Sheriff does his part to save on his electric bill.

ROSWELL S02E04:
Summer of ‘47 aka Emily Will Do Anything for a Sticker

It’s…time…for time travel? But not really. But we do get a blast from the past! Micheal learns more about the night of the OG Roswell crash from someone who was actually there! WAS it a weather balloon? Was Liz Parker’s grandfather involved? Come join us for handsome WW11 soldiers, frames within a frame, and of COURSE, plucky gal reporters!

ROSWELL S02E05: The End of the World aka BOOOONE!?!?!

ACTUAL TIME TRAVEL HAPPENS in this, Emily’s FAVORITE, episode! Hot hunk of burning love Max from the future journeys to the past and asks the impossible of Liz. Megan is absolutely disgusted by….lotion. And do we now ship Liz and Kyle? Noooo? Maybe?

ROSWELL S02E06:
Harvest aka Literal Tourist Trap

Much to everyone’s shock, Congresswoman Whitaker is dead. I mean, WE already knew that. But now so does the world. Half the gang goes to investigate and ends up in a very creepy town. Isabel finds a kindred spirit in Whitaker’s brother, or DOES SHE?

ROSWELL S02E07:
Wipeout! aka I Made My Family Disappear!

Welcome to Season 2 Episode 7 Wipeout! Kyle and the Sheriff TRY to have a NICE DAY, but the stupid Skins show up AND RUIN EVERYTHING. The kids find themselves on their own, Max is betrayed by EVERYONE, and Tess takes a SERIOUS level-up.

ROSWELL S02E08: Meet the Dupes aka Double the Trouble

Join us as we watch Roswell: 1999 Season 2 Episode 8. Here we meet the second set of teen aliens. Are we rooting for them or the OG’s? Spoiler alert…Only ONE person dies in the episode.

ROSWELL S02E09: Max in the City aka Sus Politicking, Man

We get to finish up the cliffhanger from last week! Max has no chill, Lonnie is our QUEEN, and could Liz's connection with Max be the start of a whole new set of problems?

ROSWELL S02E10:
A Roswell Christmas Carol aka Good Christian Aliens

It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like...MURDER? At least that's what Dick the Ghost is accusing Max of this week. Join us for a beautiful stroll through the holiday season in Roswell, New Mexico where we have hallucinations, adorable children pageants, and a true Christmas miracle. It's the holidays, folks! Anything goes!

ROSWELL S02E11: To Serve and Protect aka I Don’t Know Cars!

Welcome back to Roswell! This week Isabel dreamwalks with some sinister results and there's a kidnapping, no there's not...wait, YES THERE IS! Also, poll - do we or DON'T we want to eat at Senor Chow's?

ROSWELL S02E12: We Are Family aka At the End of the Day

It’s the Roswell musical episode according to Megan. Join us for (potentially too many) Les Miz spoofs and goofs. We also invite you to write in…about a lot of things. And it’s the age old question: blue or green. (Also the sheriff has a BAD TIME.)

ROSWELL S02E13:
Disturbing Behavior aka GRANT’S in this Episode?!?

Meg forgot everything between watching the episode and recording it so let me fill y’all in - Laurie, Maria, and Michael go on a reluctant road-trip, Liz is kidnapped…sorta, and the not-Sheriff does some arts and crafts around the house.

ROSWELL S02E14: How the Other Half Lives aka Cause of Death: Onion Breath

Emily is gone. Dead. Fininto. And it’s all Meg’s fault. But the show must go on, and on it goes. Laurie is in trouble, as are our good, good boys: Alex and Kyle. And we have a guest on podcast this week: Jane weighs in on rich people’s taste.

ROSWELL S02E15: Viva Las Vegas aka Hot Pearls

It’s time for a little self-care…via Sin City. Michael bankrolls a field trip to Las Vegas, Megan ALMOST makes it an ENTIRE episode getting everyone’s names correct, Liz fights off deja vu, and no other movie has EVER taken place in Vegas.

ROSWELL S02E16:
Heart of Mine aka Legally This is all a Joke

Today’s episode takes place during one of the top 5 potentially most important nights in a young (alien) person’s life. That’s RIGHT. It’s PROM TIME. Who is taking who? What are we wearing? Will young love be re-kindled or extinguished forever? And who is taking their SIBLING TO PROM?

ROSWELL S02E17: Cry Your Name aka THAT Episode

Fair warning - this is a heavy episode. One of our number leaves us in the wake of a tragic accident. It WAS an accident…wasn’t it?

ROSWELL S02E18: It’s Too Late and It’s Too Bad aka Are You Saying Kissing is Like Vacuuming?

Everyone is forced to take a side on whether or not aliens were involved with their friend’s death. Max is slowly turning into a tyrant, Liz into a conspiracy theorist, and Isabel just wants to go to college. IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK?

ROSWELL S02E19:
Baby It’s You aka Bad Things Can Happen to Bad People, MAX

This is it. This is the one. The one where Megan’s absolutely worst predictions of all came true…a Twilight/alien pregnancy. Can she hold it together as we se Liz continue to hunt for clues related to her friend’s murder? While we watch Max spiral before our eyes? While we stan Michael for being THE BEST BOYFRIEND?….AGAIN?

ROSWELL S02E20: Off the Menu aka Previously On Roswell, MEGAN

Meg spends the MAJORITY of this episode being confused, Brody just wants ANSWERS, Max can you STOP for just like five seconds, and we welcome back the ONLY competent person in Roswell: Deputy Sheriff Hansen.

ROSWELL S02E21: The Departure aka The KEY to EVERYTHING

After losing our FIRST recording of this episode Meg and Emily finally got to re-record it. Join us as we solve the mystery of Alex’s death with a little help from THE KEY TO EVERYTHING. Seriously, Meg. It was there the whole time. How did you not see it? (Tee hee hee)

ROSWELL 1999: Roswell Interlude the Second
aka We Never Thought This Happen for You, Never

Woah! Looook at US! Done with ROSWELL SEASON TWO. Meg is less confused, Emily knows nothing (AGAIN) and WE’RE SO EXCITED FOR SEASON THREEEEEE!

ROSWELL S03E01: Busted aka Super Sponsored by Snapple

Season Three is HERE and EVERYBODY got an attitude adjustment. Liz and Max are now Bonnie and Clyde and each other’s ride or die and Michael is DOING HIS BEST OKAY? Plus there are diamond heists, jail time, and tiny Utah towns.

ROSWELL S03E02: Michael, the Guys, and the Great Snapple aka An HR Nightmare

Soooooo much kissing for Clark and Lois…I man Max and Liz. Kyle is HONESTLY doing his VERY BEST and is ANYONE APPRECIATING HIM? NO. Also, we see the humble beginnings of Marvel’s biggest stars in THIS VERY EPISODE.

ROSWELL 1999: S03E03: Significant Others aka Super Ultra Rare Crossover Event

It’s the ULTIMATE STAKES for Isabel. No, not what college is she going to attend, or what car she’s going to purchase but…SHOULD SHE GET MARRIED AT 18 AND GET STUCK IN ROSWELL FOR THE REST OF HER LIFE? (What do YOU think she chooses?)

ROSWELL S03E04: Secrets and Lies aka The One that Emily Forgot to Post

Welcome BACK to Roswell, everyone! This week we delve into the secrets and lies both inside and OUTSIDE Roswell. That’s RIGHT! It’s a travel episode that takes place in the very heart of LA: HOLLYWOOD. We meet and say goodbye to our GED dude, Max gets scouted, and we welcome back Meg’s co-worker Mr. Jonathan Frakes!

ROSWELL S03E05: Control aka Max is a DICK

We pick up with part 2 of Max’s adventures in L.A. to save his son and check in with Isabel’s wedding planning attempts. Max shows his TRUE VILLAIN COLORS and NO ONE LISTENS to Isabel. AGAIN.

ROSWELL 1999: S03E06: To Have and to Hold aka Wedding Trebuchets

It’s (FINALLY) Isabel’s wedding AND EVERYONE IS BEING TERRIBLE TO HER. Why can’t we let Isabel have nice things!??!

ROSWELL S03E07: Interruptus aka Fertile Enemy

Isabel is DETERMINED to have the honeymoon of her dreams…until Kivar shows up and threatens to take her away from her horrible life. And Megan threatens ME with quitting the podcast! Le gasp!

ROSWELL S03E08: Behind the Music aka Multitasking at Its Worst

It’s another rough one guys, Maria AND Isabel’s characters are actively being assasinated…AGAIN. We’ve got emotional cheating, REAL breakups (probably), and can Mr. Evans just let his kids LIVE THEIR LIVES IN PEACE????

ROSWELL 1999: S03E09: Samuel Rising aka Touched by an Aliengel

Welcome to the Very Special Christmas Episode for Roswell season 3! Max thinks his mysterious as-yet-to-be-named son is communicating to him via a child he meets at the diner, MARIA REALLY DID OR DID NOT BREAK UP WITH MICHAEL? (who knows anymore), and Isabel learns the true meaning of Christmas.

ROSWELL S03E10: A Tale of Two Parties aka Tomato Potato Potato Tomato

Welcome back to the Roswell 1999 feed! Join our teens on New Years! See Max go on a New Year's Date with someone OTHER THAN LIZ? See Isabel go on a New Year's Date with someone OTHER THAN HER HUBBY? What is even happening?

ROSWELL S03E11: I Married an Alien aka SUPRISE! Jesse Still Doesn’t KNOW!

Isabel indulges herself and images how much easier her life would have been as a 50's sitcom. We meet a new friend of Jesse and we MEET a new side of Jesse. This poor man just wants to LIVE HIS LIFE.

ROSWELL 1999: S03E12: Ch-Ch-Changes

Oof. Em owes Meg ALL the nice things for MAKING her view this show. Something weird is going on with Liz. She's....CHANGING. 

ROSWELL S03E13: Panacea aka Sheriff Stands on His Own Two Feet

It’s an absolute off-the-wall episode. Michael is mistaken for the ‘healing alien’, the famous waitress dress makes a comeback AND the sheriff finally gets a JOB and quits being a BUM.

ROSWELL S03E14: Chant Down Babylon aka Break a Leg, Mend a Heart

It's the conclusion of the 2-parter where Max died? But not really....but did he? But forget ALL of that BECAUSE JESSE FINALLY KNOWS ABOUT THE ALIENS! And OF COURSE Kyle comes through as our MVP AGAIN. 

ROSWELL 1999: S03E15: Who Died and Made You King? aka Canon Reasons for Being a Dick

We see the fallout of Max dying and possibly find out the actual reason Max has been so awful since finding out he was a king? Also, it's the return of the FBI...but we're not worried?
ALSO - here's some YouTube videos to the songs we mention during the question and answer session of the podcast:
Chopin - Waltz, Op. 64 No 2 C Sharp Minor
Vaughan Williams Fantasia on a theme of Thomas Tallis (Orchestra)

ROSWELL S03E16: Crash aka SAY ‘UNEXPLAINED’!

We draw ever closer to the final episode of Roswell: 1999 and ever closer to Meg's redemption of never having to watch another Roswell episode ever again! Which is a shame...'cause this one is actually good? A legit UFO crash near Roswell brings in MANY government officials plus other shady characters. And all Liz's dad wants is for them to say 'unexplained'. IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK?

ROSWELL S03E17: Four Aliens and a Baby aka Decrepit Woman in Her 30’s

We creep ever closer to the finale (not fast enough for Meg, but we digress). GUESS WHO IS BACK BACK BACK, BACK AGAIN! Our favorite baby mama returns with said offspring. WHO CARES that the government is after them. And WHO CARES that Isabel (and possibly Max) is an alien. NOT THESE TWO GRANDPARENTS, that's for dang sure. One baby and ALL is forgiven. (WHAT?)